Freaking fudging what-ifs. Kahit gusto kong mag-mura di ko pa din kaya. Hanggang sounds-like nalang yata ako. Pero Fak lang. Fak lang talagang mga what-ifs na yan! STOP CRAWLING YOUR WAY INTO MY THOUGHTS. I HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH TO THINK ABOUT, PERO PARA KAYONG NASA LIQUID FORM, NAKAKAHANAP NG SPACE PARA MAGSEEP AT MAG-TAKE FORM. Totoo nga ata mga sinasabi nila na mas nagiging emotional daw ang tao after 1am or was it 2am. Signus na ata, pinapatulog na ako. Goodnight tumblr. It was nice to blog again. I missed this.
Isa akong Engineering Student. Civil Engineering Student to be exact. Dapat talaga, graduate na dapat ako. Kaso, di ako pinayagang mag-overload last sem, kaya ayun extend-extend ang drama. Okay lang naman sa akin, kasi di naman din ako minamadali ng pamilya ko. Tanggap din nila kahit may mga bagsak ako (eto yung mga beses na either mamalasin akong maka-teacher ng terror, unfair sa pagbigay ng grado, o talagang di ko gets kung paano siya magturo at ang hirap-hirap ng exam na ibinibigay kaya gg ang hantungan). Sa totoo lang, di ko naman gusto maging Civil Engineer. Ni wala nga akong idea dati kung ano ginagawa ng mga Civil Engineer, except gumawa lang ng buildings. Naalala ko dati, pangarap ko maging astronomer. Yung pag-aaralan ko ang space at mga stars at mga planets. Kaso nung nagkamalay na ako sa mga bagay-bagay sa mundo, doon ko nalang nasabi sa sarili ko “pakshet, ang hirap pala maging astronomer”. Kaya ayun, nung highschool ako, undecided pa din ako kung anong kukunin ko sa college. Sabi ng kuya ko, subukan ko daw sa Engineering Department. Electrical, Electronics and Communications, Mechanical, Geodetic, Mining, Geology and Civil. Yan ang courses na inooffer sa College of Engineering sa school na papasukan ko. Dahil ayaw ko makuryente, di ako nag-electrical, same reason for electronics and communications engineering (kasi dati akala ko pareho lang yan sila, electronics makukuryente, pero level-up version dahil computer ang dahilan ng pag-nakuryente ka. Oo na, ako na ang layo ng imagination), ayaw din sa mechanical kasi dati dito galing yung mga super terror na teachers sa Engineering Department, ayaw din sa Geodetic, Geology at Mining kasi dati di ko alam kung anong specialty ba dapat ang meron ka pag kinuha mo yan, iniisip ko dati dahil sa “geo-” may kinalaman siya sa lupa, eh sa panahong iyon, nag-iinarte ako at di ko ata vibes ang lupa (LOL), kaya civil ang kinuha ko na inaakala ko talaga, and take note, INAAKALA KO lang talaga na gagawa lang ng mga bahay at buildings. TAKTE! ANG DAMI-DAMING PWEDENG GAWIN NG CIVIL ENGINEER! TOKWA TALAGA! ANG HIRAP PALA! Ganyan ang nililitanya ko nung nasa lower years pa lang ako. Pero nagpapasalamat pa din ako kasi nakaabot ako sa kung saan ako ngayon. Kaya konting tiis nalang, magiging Registered Civil Engineer din ako. Soon. Tiwala lang.
Napahaba ata ang random fact na ito. Nadala lang sa bugso ng damdamin, and there’s this nagging voice in my head na ikwento ko ‘to ng maayos, though may naalala akong napost ko ‘to dati in a separate post, kaso di ko na mahanap, matagal-tagal din akong naging inactive sa tumblr. So yun. Maraming salamat sa mga magbabasa.
I don’t care about whose DNA has recombined with whose. When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching they are your family.
Please know that there are much better things in life than being lonely or liked or bitter or mean or self conscious. We are all full of shit. Go love someone just because, I know your heart may be badly bruised, or even the victim of numerous knifings but it will always heal even if you don’t want it to, it keeps going. There are the most fantastic, beautiful things and people out there, I promise. It’s up to you to find them.
Don’t ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness.
People don’t like love, they like that flittery flirty feeling. They don’t love love – love is sacrificial, love is ferocious, it’s not emotive. Our culture doesn’t love love, it loves the idea of love. It wants the emotion without paying anything for it. It’s ridiculous.
-Matt Chandler Parsons
Some people will never ‘get you’. Do not spend eternity asking why. People will see you differently, just cherish those who lift your soul.
-Dodinsky’s Garden of Thoughts
You’ll meet her, she’s very pretty, even though sometimes she’s sad for many days at a time. You’ll see, when she smiles, you’ll love her.
I’ve never fooled anyone. I’ve let people fool themselves. They didn’t bother to find out who and what I was. Instead they would invent a character for me. I wouldn’t argue with them. They were obviously loving somebody I wasn’t.
I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.
You get a strange feeling when you’re about to leave a place. Like you’ll not only miss the people you love but you’ll miss the person you are now at this time and this place, because you’ll never be this way ever again.
Faith is taking the first step even when you can’t see the whole staircase.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
I am too intelligent, too demanding, and too resourceful for anyone to be able to take charge of me entirely. No one knows me or loves me completely. I have only myself.
-Simone de Beauvoir
You are not useless. You are not hopeless. And no matter how scared you are, you will never be alone. And deep down, somewhere, in the part of you that decided the good days and your happiness and your health were all worth fighting for, you know that, too. Hold onto that knowledge. It will see you through the worst.
Lately, I’ve been thinking. A lot of things, going through my head. Especially when I’m alone with mixed feelings of longing, confusion and self degradation with no specific reason as to why I’m feeling those. Leading me to ask questions about what I’m destined to be, Can I do this, Is it just me being lazy or not at all thinking about the people who sacrificed a lot for me to be currently standing to where I am now. Yesterday, God has given me the opportunity, and I messed up. I messed it up again. And now, I wallow in despair, hopelessness and lack of confidence and I have no right to blame someone for that except me. Me. I’m so sorry po Papa God. Sinayang ko na naman yung tsansang binigay niyo sa akin. I have this nagging feeling inside of me na dapat, di ko to ginagawa, di ako nagta-type nito at kausapin po kayo ng buong puso at humingi ng patawad. Pero, eto na naman po ako at di malaman-laman kung ano ba ang dapat ko gawin at iniisip ko nalang gawin kung anong sinasabi ng aking utak. Kaya po sana, mapatawad niyo ako. Papa God, I know. I know that you are giving me all the strength I need and wisdom for me to go on, and overcome this feeling. And I’m so sorry for beinng selfish, and letting the chance you’ve given me, slip through my fingers. I’m so sorry for my selfishness. I know deep inside me that I can do it if I really want to. Ika nga po sa kanta ni Rico Blanco, “kung ayaw, may dahilan, kung gusto laging mayroong paraan.” Pero in my case, I admit po na ang dahilan ng yon ay katamaran. Kaya po, sana mapatawad niyo po ako. Sa totoo po, natatakot ako. Natatakot ako sa kung ano ang magiging consequences, dahil di ako nagpursige. Pero.. Pero.. Kakayanin ko po. Kahit ilang beses ko na ‘tong sinasabi, uulit-ulitin ko pa rin po, para matatak na sa napakatigas kong ulo na, kakayanin ko po. Kaya po sana, mapatawad niyo po ako at patuloy niyo pa rin po akong gabayan. Gusto ko po maging proud po sa akin sila Tatay, Kuya, yung kapatid ko, ang pamilya ko, mga kaibigan, Sina nanay, lolo at lola na kasama niyo po ngayon. Sila po ang nagtutulak sa akin pati na din po kayo para di sumuko. Kaya po sana, gabayan niyo po ako. Please guide me po, to erase the negative feelings that are starting to consume me. Di po ako magpapatalo. I will make you proud po Papa God, pati na rin po ang aking pamilya at mga minamahal ko sa buhay. Pasensya na po. Mahal na mahal ko po kayo. Maraming salamat po sa lahat. Kakayanin ko po. Kakayanin ko.
So, I’ve recently finished The Maze Runner by James Dashner. I must say, I am really surprised that I’ve put off this book for a long time. People trapped in a maze, being observed by the so-called “Creators” with no memories at all with walls that are moving everyday into a different pattern and running in the maze in order to find a way to escape not forgetting the fact that there are creepy, horrid and brutal creatures that kill you if you stay out in the maze for the night. The plot interesting. I admit that at first, it was kinda boring for me in the beginning, it was just a boy,Thomas was sent to the “Glade”, no memories finding people milling in the Glade, different activities that they’re assigned, the history of the Glade, the maze and its Creators. The system that was created for the two years the Glade have existed, the grievers, the runners etc. But then, Minho a runner, (who, by the way, is my favorite character in the book), Alby and Thomas got shut out in the Maze for a night and the action begins. I am left hanging by every chapter when that began. I can feel the adrenaline rushing, just me turning page after page to find out what happened and I was not expecting when I got to the end of the book. Seriously. I was like “Whaaaat?”. But I must say, this is a good read guys, apart from the beginning, the rest is really good for me. I’m sorry for being a crappy book reviewer. I just don’t know how to express what I’m feeling. Lol. Anyways, if you’re looking for a good read, (and since this will soon be in cinemas) I recommend The Maze Runner.